Thoughts about Parenthood

Sunday, the day of rest for so many people in the Western World... For us, the start of the new week, with the kids back in kindergarten.

We went out last night, IsraeliDad and myself. Nothing fancy, just coffee and a salad at a coffee shop, but a well needed talk too. We discussed the way our children are raised and finished with some very concrete resolutions. We actually have these talks every now and again, with us deciding to run a tighter ship around here. This time, the UN resolutions for our household include censorship of movies, taking violent Spiderman/Superman catroons off the DVD menu. They also include a general tighter limit on the number of TV hours the kids will be allowed. Now, the problem is that we would need to actually entertain the kids during the no-DVD hours. A daunting prospect, to be honest. A large part of our conversation dealt with ways in which we can keep them happy and pleasantly occupied without the DVD.

We later went over to my mom's to pick up the kids (she was minding them while we were out), and we talked to her about the subject. Funny, we feel, and my mom agrees, that when we were kids, there was less of an issue of "what to do with the kids". We were just there,growing up, doing our thing. When school/kindergarten was over, we would come back home and hang out with friends, or by ourselves. Television broadcasts were very limited in Israel of the 1970's. We had maybe 2-3 hours of boring black-and-white programs a day. We didn't even watch all of it, as most of it was rather boring and "educational". What we did watch can definitely be titled as "mostly harmless" (to borrow from the late Douglas Adams there). What did we do then? Well, as far as I can remember, I spent a lot of time just hanging outside in our backyard watching the snails lol. When I was a little bit older, I used to go to friends or they would come over. My parents never had to "drive" us anywhere. We didn't even own a car (my dad would get "half" a truck from the IDF, so we had a car half of the days).

IsraeliDad maintains that our life was simply boring back then. He says we shouldn't subject our kids to those levels of boredom lol. Me? I just want them out of harm's way and growing up safely and as happy as possible. I am not at all sure that the constant stream of stimuli thrown at them by life is that good. Then again, can we have children today grow up the same way we grew up in the '70's? With today's world around them, the TV, the computer, the overall noise level of gadgets, cars, shows, theme parks... can the innocence of those days possibly be regained?

We'll have to find the right balance I guess. Parenthood is such a huge responsiblity... sigh.

Makes me more politically aware too. I keep thinking how much energy we have to invest into rearing our offspring. Then they grow up, join the army, and their precious lives, into which you've poured so much, are at the hands of people like Peretz and Olmert. IsraeliDad has been reading the Vinograd Report in detail (that's the recently published report of the Vinograd Committee which analyzes the way Israel's leadership handled the war in Lebanon over the summer). Listening to him telling me about the lack of professionalism and sheer irresponsibility really makes me sad, frustrated and worried about my own babies who will be joining the army in under 15 years :(

Talking to the Elders of the Tribe

Let me start by noting that so far, we're still planning on joining the demonstration on the Golan Heights. Turns out we had the dates wrong, so it's next Friday (May 18th) and not this one. Hence, today's post is not related to the demonstration.

Have had a crowded second half to this week so far, topped with a lovely (or not so lovely) migraine last night. I think I'll start a new blog here on this account just to record my migraines, so as not to clutter up this space.

Three days ago, my mother came to visit us and brought my grandfather along with her. My grandpa is 78 years old and lives in Netanya. He was born in Tunisia, in a town called Gabes and came to Israel by himself as a teenager. He went on his journey back in 1947, out of pure old idealistic Zionism. He was a member of a Zionist youth member and came to Israel to build the State of the Jews where his religious family always said home was. He didn't make it in that year.

He was only 18 but had a nice girlfriend already! They planned on coming together on the same ship. A few weeks before their ship was supposed to leave, they were called to come help prepare another ship of Jewish immigrants (since they were both in the Zionist youth movement). My grandfather got busy helping settle the immigrants in the ship. Suddenly, local police forces appeared and the boat had to sail right away. His girlfriend managed to get off the boat, but it was too late for him, and so he sailed to "Palestine" a few weeks ahead of time.

As they approached the beaches of Palestina, they were surrounded by British boats. My grandfather loves telling that story of how four huge British Navy ships surrounded the tiny boat and almost crushed her. They were escorted to Cyprus and put in a refugee camp there. A few weeks later, his girlfriend arrived at Cyprus. Same story, different ship. A year later, still in Cyprus, they got married. Then the State of Israel was established and they came over, finally as legal immigrants. Shortly afterwards, my mother was born, while they were living in a local refugee camp (Ma'abara).

Well, I have heard this story more than once before. This time, sitting with my grandpa by our dining table, I asked him about other things. I asked what made them come to Israel to begin with. What made them leave Tunisia and what did they leave behind. My grandpa was only too happy to share his boyhood memories. For him, the reason for leaving Tunisia was simple. They had been living in fear and feeling persecuted. I have heard so often about how Jews and Arabs lived well together in Arab countries, that my grandfather's recollections surprised me a little.

He described in detail the day when his mother was attacked by Arabs in the marketplace (left with a huge scar on her leg where they knifed her). Then he talked about how as soon as the Nazis invaded, the Arabs would volunteer to walk with the Nazi soldiers and point out the Jews to them. The encounter would end with some humiliating public kicking only at that point (although later on, men in the family were already sent to camps set up by the Nazis in Tunisia).

In short, he explained, there was no question in the minds of the Jews living in his community that they had to leave, and the sooner the better. Even before the establishment of the State of Israel, many left and tried breaking into the then Palestina as illegal immigrants. During the 19'50s and 1960's most of the Jews left, about half of them to France and the other half to Israel.

Well, I asked, did your family have any property back there? Did they manage to sell it before they joined you here (in the early Fifties). Well, that got a nice laugh from my Grandpa... He said no one in their right mind would buy property off the Jews. People would say, "Why should we buy from you? You have to leave anyway, and you're going to leave it to us for free, so why should we pay?". So, they left it all behind. The house he grew up in, the whole neighborhood, was simply given up, as the Jews were driven out. Actually, what he lamented the most was the public buildings. I got to listen to a long description of the community synagogue, and other community buildings, where my Grandfather had spent many days as a child, being the son of a Rabbi.

Why bring up this story now? I'm not sure really. I guess Khaled's recent visit made me think more about those historical times. Learning more about the wrongdoings of Zionism, made me curious about our side as well. I always knew that my family, especially on my mother's side, lived in what was basically refugee camps for a few years before they were given proper housing. I never really bothered to ask why, and why didn't they have enough money to buy their own place right away.

This story, to me, isn't about pointing fingers or laying the blame on one side or another. To me it shows just how complicated history is and how the violent times of the previous century effected so many people adversely. Things we read about in history books, were life changing events for people a few generations before us, and I felt it was necessary for me to tell this tale here, while my grandfather is still with us.

A Political Friday on the Horizon

Looks like we may be able to make it to the demonstration in the Golan Heights on Friday after all! Our nephew's Bar Mitzva party is going to be on Saturday and the demonstration is on Friday.

It's a huge deal for us here, frankly. I am not sure which of my family members are reading my blog, but I know that for some of them, the fact that we will be going to this demonstration is heartbreaking. You see, we will be calling for the government of Israel to launch peace talks with Syria. Such peace talks, in all likelihood, will involve discussions and at some point, if peace is achieved, implementation of an Israeli withdrawal from the Golan Heights. ID's older brother lives there with his wife and four children. It's been their home ever since 1979. They live in a beautiful flourishing kibbutz there, which they have literally built with their own hands. They have turned their hill there from a barren pile of rocks and thorny weed into a gorgeous green and prosperous kibbutz, where social ideals still reign. Their four children were born there. Their oldest daughter is in her early twenties, their youngest is a teenager. For these kids, that is their home and there is no other. Should they be made to leave, it will literally devastate their lives. Unlike the settlers in the West Bank, they are not oppressing any local population. They live a peaceful life there, growing apples, cherries and cows and tending to their gardens and landscaping.

So, you see, we will not be telling them about going to this demonstration. For us to be supporting peace talks with Syria, in essence supporting a withdrawal from the Golan Heights would be too painful to discuss probably. I hope the kids won't talk too much, as we will be seeing them on the weekend, sigh. It won't be a happy demonstration for us, in that respect. The price to be paid is too close to home in this case.

And yet, we still believe whole heartedly, that as beautiful as the Golan is, and as admirable as the kibbutzim there are, preventing the next war with Lebanon is what really counts. I truly believe that a peace agreement with Syria is the only way to solve the Lebanon problem for Israel. Moreover, I believe that entering negotiations with Syria, in good faith on both sides, might be the only way to prevent the war currently looking on the regional horizon. Everyone talking about a war with Lebanon again, maybe in the summer. They're talking like it's inevitable, based on declaration constantly made by the heads of Hezbulla. I truly believe that negotiations with Syria may be the only thing that can stop this.

I confess, I don't care much for hummus in Damascus. A warm and mutually hospitable peace is not my agenda. Frankly, between my family's well being and hummus, I opt for the first. But this isn't what negotiations and peace with Syria is about. It's about stabilizing the region, in particularly defusing the threat by the HA. It will affect more than the north too. It will be a blow to extremists all over the region, showing them that Syria is leaving the "Axis of Evil" and joining forces with the moderates. It may pave the way later on for negotiations with the Hammas as well.

In short, this is about preventing war. Now and later. It's about preventing more soldiers and civilians from being killed in pointless wars, this year and in future years. That is the only thing that is worth uprooting people from their homes, if it comes down to that.

And it may not even come to that. Negotiations are just that - we can discuss the future of the settlers and the settlements. Negotiations in themselves will be a stabilizing factor, and as such should be entered into as soon as feasibly possible. Hope to be reporting from the demonstration on the weekend.

Back to Work

Gradually getting depoliticized again lol (thanks for the OD, Khaled!)

Been spending the last week trying to scrape out more work time. I have tons of online projects that I'm playing with atm, and they each require time. IsraeliDad plays an online RPG (Role play Game) called World of Warcraft (you may have heard of it, it's more or less the number one online game at the moment). While many wives complain that they have become World of Warcraft widows, I try not to complain too much, as I certainly understand his addiction. "I just have to play some, I have a new character I'm working on", or "Just half an hour more, I'm about to make it to the next level", are common quotes from him these days. In a sense my work is the same. I am addicted to creating websites for revenue, and all I need is just half an hour more to create another blog, or an hour to learn a new skill, and trying real hard to make it to the next level in daily revenue, or maybe even open up a new revenue channel. So many challenges, so little time!

At least I'm lucky in having ID take care of the boring aspects of managing the business. He's the one in charge of book keeping and other such tedious red tape tasks. He did try the web publishing roles too, but he just doesn't have the bug, I guess.

One of my latest tasks in my game is building a chain of hub pages over at HubPages.com. I only did a few, but one of them might be of interest to anyone reading this and thinking, "hmmmm maybe I could do this too?" You don't need to have any web publishing skills, no need to buy domains or web hosting. All you need is to get your own hub pages, promote them and make some money. It won't make you rich, but if you like this kind of game, you could develop it later on. Check out my articles -

Home Business Recipe using Hub Pages

Choosing A Topic for your HubPage

By the way, I hope you like the new layout. The old one didn't show up properly on Firefox, and I felt like a change anyway. It was either a haircut or a new template to my blog ;)

Thoughts Following Khaled's Visit

It's been a bit of a weird day here so far. I got back into bed after sending the kids off to kindergarten. Woke up more or less on time to go pick them up. They're resting in their bedroom now (ok, ok, watching a DVD, sue me... it does mean they're in bed!) and I finally have a few minutes for coffee and reflections.

We stayed up late last night here, sitting around the table with Khaled, my dear father-in-law, our friends Arnon and Deb, and IsraeliDad and myself. We just talked and talked and talked, until it was time for Khaled to go catch his train and go to the airport. At some points, we reflected on the visit, at others, we discussed possible solutions for the future, and there were times (quite a few) where we dragged ourselves back to one of the historic debates that were so common along the visit.

I learned a lot during this visit. I have learned a lot from Khaled before the visit as well (as he put is so eloquently, "I have been exposed to his poison before..." ;)), but somehow going through the debates again along with others helped me see some things more clearly. The one thing that stuck on my mind the most relates to the historical aspects of the conflict but is very significant for understanding the current situation and coming up with solutions as well. It is the huge difference between the respective narratives of each side. There we are, facing an ocean of historical facts (and those are more than enough btw, no need to come up with tales and fantasies on top of that..), and each side seems to pick up their own pieces of the colorful rubble and create their own narrative from that. Every point of the conflict, as far back as we went, we discovered that we mostly agree on the facts, yet come up with different interpretations to them. A different story, or history, is created by each side.

What's more, these being such emotional issues at core, it is all too easy to get upset, shake your head in disbelief at the other's "fantastic and ludicrous tale", and give up on it. In many ways, it is so much easier to hold on to your familiar comfy fortress of views and just disregard the other side's perspective. Of course, by sticking to your own narrative, the only way to explain the other side's behavior is by saying that they are either stupid, cruel, out go get you/your land, or all of the above together. Any settlement you achieve within this mindset is going to be extremely fragile, obviously.

Well, I think we can be proud of not going that route during Khaled's visit. There was genuine interest in each other's perspectives and narratives. We spent hours talking and simply explaining the logic's behind each side's actions. When you're on that side, what you do seems only too clear. You know why you're doing it, and you assume that the other side (the stupid and evil side) understands your thinking as well. They only respond the way they do because, well, they are evil and stupid, duh. Explaining intentions and thoughts behind each side's actions went a long long way with us. Be it the Six-Day-War, the Wye Plantation Talks, the Intifada, the way the IDF treats Palestinians, the boycott on the peace with Israel by the Egyptian elites... the list goes on and on and on. Every topic we touched, I think we managed to cover some ground in dispelling the notions of "stupid and evil" and going on to actually understanding each side better. I hope Khaled feels something like that about Israel and its policies, I know we have made great progress when it comes to understanding the Arab positions on so many topics. The reason we were able to do that? because we became friends, I think. We shared meals, chit-chat, road trips. There was zero hostility, and it enabled us to move forward with this loaded dialogue and actually listen.

So... where do we take it from here? Is there something to be gained from this visit, other than a great friendship formed across borders? I believe so. It may take a while for things to sink between us. We need to ferment now, then we'll see, maybe. I am not delusional enough to think that the small circle here is going to break new grounds - we will probably not be the one to bring everlasting peace to the planet... There are many people around these parts making more serious efforts in that direction too (read Khaled's blog to find out more about them).

For me, the visit motivated me even further to reach out, learn more about our neighbors, talk to people, and maybe get active again with the concept of getting people from both sides to get to know each other. As human beings first, forming online friendships even, and then as representatives of a different narrative. One that can co-exist with ours, perhaps without the need to settle things through an armed conflict.

Politics and Family

So often family issues come in the way of any form of political activism. We were talking about it here, IsraeliDad and myself, wondering whether we should get more active and actually "do something". When we were younger we used to participate in left-wing demonstrations every now and again. The last one we went to, we already had one baby and carried him along with is. It seems like there are fewer large demonstrations being held nowadays. I guess part of it is a reflection on the morale of the Israeli left wing. There was a wave of euphoria when Barak went to Washington and offered what was seen as a very progressive offer by Israel. By the same token, hopes were crashed when Arafat failed to respond to that offer. I realize that this is a game of perception. I won't even go into that argument here (I have discussed this in
detail with Khaled on his site here).

Bottom line, is that the Israeli moderate left-wing has taken a major blow and I'm not sure it's on the recovery just yet. I don't recall any huge demonstrations in the past few years. We finally got an email this week, inviting us for a demonstration calling our Prime Minister to move forward and initiate official negotiations with Syria, regardless of what the Americans will say. It's meant to be a journey up to the Golan Heights, where families will drive up to the border carrying posters calling for peace with Syria. We really wanted to go to that one, but unfortunately we have a Bar Mitzva on the same day... So, there you go. Family engagements come in the way again. It's pretty much an emblem of my life in general. Any political awareness is usually pushed aside by the mundane tasks of raising a family. And on this note I have to leave now, my son needs a change of clothes here.

Recovering from a mild cold...

Too much talking politics probably, I came down with a cold yesterday. I'm better today, but not a lot to post on really. Khaled left yesterday morning, on his way to Jerusalem and then the West Bank. I feel a bit OD'ed on politics atm, so no long post here today. Don't get me wrong, it's a fascinating visit so far, and we're enjoying every minute. We've tried to get quite a few of our family members/friends to meet Khaled and the one word they keep coming up with after meeting him is "fascinating". It's good, I guess. Good for us to see things from a totally different perspective. We don't argue a lot over facts (well, ok, a little), but it's interesting to see how two different narratives have evolved around the same facts. Each side chooses to emphasize some aspects and ignore others.

The bottom line for me so far? (or is it too Israeli to be looking for a bottom line? ;)) Well, Khaled and ourselves, despite our different opinions on some things, could easily reach peace in the Middle East. A warm kind of peace too, with friendships forming across borders. We could live in a confederation even. Unfortunately, I still think that Khaled is in the minority in the Arab world. Here in Israel, people like here may not be in the majority either (about 50/50 at this point, I think). It is encouraging for us to see that likeminded people do exist in the countries around us. Would we be enough to reach not only peace, but a viable Middle East, liberal, advanced, progressive, where human and civil rights are adhered to? Will the Middle East be the next European Union? or did this visit make us delusional?

Anyway, read on on Khaled's blog. I know I do!

http://without-a-roadmap.blogspot.com/

Zionism 101 - Day 2 of the Visit

If there's one theme that keeps coming up in our conversations during Khaled's visit it's the different versions to history out there. Don't get the wrong impression, we don't actually spent too much time arguing about facts - for one thing we do mostly agree on the facts, for another thing, when we disagree we usually agree that it's not that important. All the same, it's fascinating for me to see how the same facts can be construed into such essentially different historical narratives. It sometimes takes someone who looks at the same facts from a totally different angle to help you see that, I guess.

Yesterday's visit to the museum of the Palmach was prime example. I have been to this museum several times before. As I warned Khaled prior to his visit, this place gives you a hardcore Zionist experience, telling the tale of the war of 1948 from the Zionist perspective. All the same, it never fails to move me and my family when we visit there. Granted, the exhibition is well thought out and planned to pull at the heart strings. We can see as much by ourselves. The story is told through the eyes of a group of Palmach members, and you can't help but like these young men and women, with their very human feelings of love, fear, humor. When several of them get killed during the war, it's heartbreaking. Like a good soap opera, if you like. Still, as I said, it's effective...

When Dovale (one of the characters) talks about how he saved his little sister from the concentration camp in the end of the war and brought her into the country aboard the Exodus, and how painful it was for her to be sent out to another fenced camp after having walked on the soil of the Land of Israel for only 20 meters, it breaks my heart, Sorry. The fact that we were visiting there during the Eve of the Memorial Day only added to this. I had to reign in the tears, not wanting to make a fool of myself in front of the group of young tank guides (all women) which we were assigned to go the tour with. If those teenaged girls managed to keep a stiff upper lip, I figured I should as well. There was only so much I could do though, by the end I was crying. Sue me.

So, we're walking out of the museum, and asking our guest how he found the museum. To our great disappointment, Khaled showed no inclination to join the IDF and fight for the cause alongside our wonderful people. He actually, ummmm, found the exhibition to be well carried out but quite biased and one-sided, or as he put it, "propaganda". So, there you have it, I have seen this several times, and it never actually occurred to me that the Arab side isn't really represented in the exhibition. In fact, there isn't too much animosity or hostility towards Arabs there. The Arabs, other than in their role as the military forces against which we've had to fight, simply aren't there. Through out the years prior to 1947, the storyline relates to the Nazis and the British, and to internal fights within the Jewish settlers. Arabs? What Arabs?

I digress into an analysis of the exhibition here, but I'm using it as an illustration of something that I am seeing through out the visit so far. It's a positive thing, it's what I had hoped for, in a way. A fresh perspective for us, a well as a way to show our perspective to Khaled. Some things we seem to be taking for granted here, and it's always good to have someone rattle your ideological cage and make you think.

So... back to the descriptive account of our day. We came back from Tel Aviv and went through shopping center to get some groceries for dinner, then headed back home. The kids were being looked after by my dear mother-in-law and were all excited to see us. It took longer than expected to get dinner going, but we managed to do that eventually. The fact that IsraeliDad here decided to join his father in another hot air balloon escapade wasn't very helpful either... They didn't fly aboard one, but they flew a small one up the air. It flew further than expected, sending ID running after it through town. We still don't know where it landed, but apparently no huge fire registered in the vicinity.